An Apology

I was wrong. I looked at you and thought, “you have no self control.” I passed judgement on you, And that judgement assumed so much about you. I didn’t even know you, but I thought I could guess your situation. But really looking at you, I was looking into a mirror. My reflection was fear … Continue reading An Apology

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I’m still here. Happier than ever.

I’m feeling so alive lately.  I was riding home from work last night on my bike and smiling to myself as I thought, I am finally living as the person I’ve always been. I switched careers to be a personal trainer over a month ago and while it all hasn’t been a walk in the … Continue reading I’m still here. Happier than ever.

A Poem

I found this poem that I wrote a few months ago... it is amazing that I am finally ready to get out of this restriction and to confront my true feelings...recovery is possible.   I hurt myself. There were no malicious intentions, Just a nagging feeling of imperfection, Of self-loathing. I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t … Continue reading A Poem

I’m ready to do the work, finally

So much thinking about body positivity movement, diet culture, eating disorders rolling around in my brain right now.  It is crazy to think we have so much stock in what the body looks like, when it is our vehicle to live. It is the way in which we take ourselves into the world, but yet … Continue reading I’m ready to do the work, finally

Coming to terms on the road

April 9 Feeling much more positive and content with my body.  I keep reminding myself, fuel is important and I look better when I eat, ironically.  I have new goals and aspirations right now too leaving me feeling invigorated and excited about the future.  I want to really start doing yoga.  Like not for the … Continue reading Coming to terms on the road

Eating disordered road trip

I'm going to simply type out my journal notes and share them in separate posts.  Read on if you're interested.  This isn't a site seeing recollection, it is my feelings fighting myself on a road trip. April 5, 2018 Lots of thoughts.  We started our trip yesterday morning. At 6:30am we were on the road … Continue reading Eating disordered road trip

Preparing my mental

Something else that awes me about being in the throws of recovery is that I’m still obsessing about food, but it has morphed into a different beast.  I used to eat less to shrink and control everything, to make myself feel better about the crazy world. Then when I discovered that this lifestyle was ruining … Continue reading Preparing my mental